A new year has begun….and I know that for most people it signifies an new start and many new resolutions. Since you have gone on to your new life, I am not sure what it is that I am supposed to do to signify the beginning of another new year without you. I try to stay positive Philly, but it seems harder to do the more time that goes by. I feel I am dragging my feet and not moving on quickly enough. I don't really seem to know how to redefine myself since most all of my life was spent as part of a team: your team! I realize that all of this is a test to find exactly what I am and am not capable of as an individual facing a major life change. I know that God has expectations of me, and I know that you spent years teaching me to be a survivor, however, I seem to continually lack the energy or desire to put that to use and begin again without you. I do not want to disappoint you, and I want to follow the dream that you worked so hard to create for us. There should have been more time, and we could have completed all of that together. I miss your smile, and your laugh, and that bright light in your eyes when you had something interesting to convey or share. You were such an amazing man. Your generosity , sincerity , and integrity are missed by many, My world will never be the same without you. You managed to keep me grounded no matter how sideways I would get, and your unconditional love kept me confident that no matter what I needed, I could call you and it would be taken care of- no questions asked ! You were my truest friend, and the only person I could count on 100% of the time.
I promise to keep trying to move forward in a positive direction, but please send more strength…..and help me find the clarity to get on with the plans we made.
I love you. I should have said that so much more when I had you standing here in front of me!
CB
5th January 2015